When everything around you comes crashing down, you gotta start to wonder, "How the fuck did I get here?".
I was married, lost one kid, gave birth to another, got sick, got divorced all this within 3 years and I'm sparing you the details of what happened in between... It got ugly. I was lost... But I was also determined to find out what else was possible? It was then, I found the tools that helped me pick up the broken pieces and glue myself back together with gold. The scars are now shining highlights of where I came from and boy oh boy the story is long...
What's the value of holding on to your stories?
I had choices. Was I going to be "Pity, pity me, life is a bitch." or "Fuck this shit!"... Yeah, Fuck it. I rolled up my sleeves and created a new life. Geared up with mighty strength and tools. Forward I was going and there was no looking back.
You don't even notice it in the beginning... You like to think of yourself as someone who is generous, who likes to help others and always does the best with what they've got. Then one evening, 40 weeks pregnant, your water breaks, you go to the hospital and the baby dies. The sadness is unbearable, but more so, you become angry... Rage began building within me. I was suddenly aware of everything in my life that I wasn't in control of. Why did I let others control who I was and how I should be living my life?
I couldn't be controlled anymore. All that fury and power had to be channeled somewhere, but where? I took on a job that I didn't like. I excelled at torturing myself and treated my body poorly. Two years passed and I became pregnant again. This time I was followed closely by doctors. I spent three quarters of that pregnancy at the hospital, the process almost killed me. I gave birth to an amazingly sweet being at seven months. He came early but he was fully formed, healthy and strong. And so I became a full time mom. The then husband was gone most of the time, so I raised my son with all the fervor I was capable of. I did my best to be a good wife but somehow, it didn't feel right. I became sick, a stomach problem that could not be diagnosed and that was treated with antibiotics that put me in cardiac arrest. When I opened my eyes, things needed to change and change now.
A Little Interesting Thing Called The Internet
"All of life comes to me with ease joy and glory." ~Access Consciousness
I dragged my bony ass out of the hospital and I started to research the web for information on how to heal your body holistically. I came across the Gerson Therapy which I practiced for six months. Healed myself, gained weight and thrived to a degree that to this day surpasses comprehension. While at it, on the bathroom floor, downing a quart of coffee from my butthole, I discovered a video series from a man called Dr Dain Heer. Right there, I was introduced to what is called Access Consciousness.
Life Has Never Been The Same Since My Discovery...
Bars classes, Being You Changing The World classes, Foundation Classes, Level 2, 3 and ESB and SOP, you name it, I took them all! Everything that Access has to offer I was eager and elated to participate and learn. I was empowered, supported and liberated. In the process of my personal development, I outgrew the life I had chosen. It was time for me to go beyond my comfort zone and take the leap, see if those wings could support me. They did...